Last night probably goes down on my list of the top 3 worst nights of my life. It started off with me feeling weak and not being able to keep anything down in my stomach. As much as it pained me to leave the hospital, I retreated to my in-laws for some "rest" -- I could not sleep a wink. At about 11pm, I called my husband and he told me that Lucia's heart rate had now dropped significantly to the 110's, and so had her oxygen levels. They put a breathing mask on her to increase her oxygen intake. No matter my condition, I decided it was best for me to be there...this could've been it...so we made our way back to the hospital.
At this point, the x-ray had shown that her left lung collapsed. They said that this is not irreversible (in other words, it could get back to normal), but with her heart condition, it was not likely. Today, they confirmed that what looked like a collapsed lung on the x-ray was probably a combo of an infection, a collapsed lung, and fluid build-up in the lungs. Also, with the lack of oxygen getting to her whole body and her brain, the doctor mentioned that she probably had brain damage. The doctor gave us the talk that they have to give to families where death could be imminent. How far did we want to go to keep Lucia alive if her heart stopped or she stopped breathing? This is no easy decision for any family - and it is awful that it even has to be a decision -- who are we to play God with all this medical equipment? There is no right or wrong answer. We decided that giving medication and CPR were the furthest that they could go if they had to. An escalated treatment that they could provide is called "intubation," where they put a breathing tube down her throat and connect that tube to a ventilator, which would give Lucia the oxygen and air that she needed. As her parents, we decided that this would not be the best thing for her, even though it would keep her alive. We feel at peace with the decision, and I think that peace is God's way of telling us that we did OK.
The moment of deepest grief came when we decided to take the mask off of her. There was no telling what would happen next. We did that and Lucia actually seemed to do better with everything off of her face! I know I've said it before, but our girl is SO STRONG. We are so grateful to God that she is still here. Doctors are not too hopeful for Lucia, and honestly, we don't know what to think or expect. We are taking it one moment at a time, and pray that the Lord's will be done, and that whatever happens, we may accept it with His grace. I know that sounds negative, but we will need His grace whether she lives or not.
We thank you all for your love and prayers, and we know that God is working miracles. The fact that she is still here is truly a miracle.